If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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