Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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