I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
