It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
