I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
third nipple confirmed
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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