is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I need moral support for this bender
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
