So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
