So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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