He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
