what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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