and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
