I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
