Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
