The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
