There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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