Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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