i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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