So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I understand Curling. That high.
She bit a glass in half.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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