new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
