First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
