yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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