I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
