i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
