I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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