is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
