New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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