Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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