Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
do nipples grow back?
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