I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
