PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
