o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
