he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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