Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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