my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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