it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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