Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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