I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
