So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
