when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
