i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
