it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
