I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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