remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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