I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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