chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
