By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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