textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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