the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
