Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
