dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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