her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
