Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
