Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You're like the curious george of whores
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
