so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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