$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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