The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
