is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
