i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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