Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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