Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
