I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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