If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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