yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
