Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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