when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
