It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
