1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
