I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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