Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
