ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
my liver is dry heaving
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize