God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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