I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
