I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What a fucking waste of an outfit
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
